Life and Love: Miscarriage and Ectopic Pregnancy Losses Part 2

If you missed it, you can find part one here: Life and Love:  Miscarriage and Ectopic Pregnancy Losses Part 1.     To give you a little background, I was diagnosed with GAD or General Anxiety Disorder in May of 1999.  I have struggled with anxiety and fear for many years, even as a child.  I do not like elevators, airplanes, driving alone or anything medical among the 743 other things I worry about.
In May 2008, I had my wisdom teeth removed, which was a big deal for me. It was a victory in an area of my life that I have struggled with a lot. I remember feeling so excited I had finally broken those chains of fear. So excited in fact, that I’m pretty sure we conceived that night after having my wisdom teeth out.  I did not need to have them surgically removed, they just pulled them right out so I was not high on painkillers or groggy from anesethesia.
Towards the end of May I have symptoms that make me think, maybe I’m pregnant. So I took a test and yes, I was! Wow, ok, four kids, we can do this!  This picture was taken at a wedding we attended the very end of May.  I remember thinking maybe I was pregnant right before we left for the wedding.

I called OB and they drew my blood just to see how far along I was because I think it was the night of my wisdom teeth but I really  have no idea.   OB calls and confirms, yes, I am pregnant and they want me to come back in a few days and make sure the numbers were doubling. I did, they called back, the numbers didn’t double but they did increase so they weren’t too worried. I am uneasy about the answer they give me and ask them about it but they tell me as long as they increase, it’s fine.  I try not to worry about it. A few days later we went to the park and before we left I went to the bathroom and when I wiped, it was orange. Well that’s weird. My friends tell me, don’t worry about it, I”m sure it’s nothing.
The next morning, it’s a Tuesday and I’m about to sit down and write a blog post when all of a sudden I have a horrible cramping pain and a wet feeling.  I run to the bathroom and there’s blood. I remember this moment so clearly even now while I type this. Yuck. I start crying, shaking, call the hubby to come home, call the OB, they want me to go in. Hubby gets home, I call OB back and tell them I think I’ll just stay home.
They insist I come in so I do. They draw my blood. The nurse walks in and I already know what she’s going to tell me. I don’t remember when exactly but I do know I told my husband and my friend that I thought I had an ectopic pregnancy and they both thought I was nuts. We need to do an ultrasound to check the placement of the pregnancy. Sure enough, I have a tubal pregnancy.  I go back down to OB and talk to a doctor I’ve never met before.  He tells me that I qualify for a shot of methotrexate which is a dose of chemotherapy and alternative to surgery. I don’t like this doctor, who has no compassion or bedside manner other than to tell me that my tube could burst and I would need emergancy surgery or I might bleed to death internally.  Great, thanks, just what a person with anxiety needs to hear.
The hubby manages to work from home for the rest of the week, I don’t want to be left alone with the kids and this tubal pregnancy that I’m freaked is going to explode within me at any moment. The week passes by so slowly, it’s horrible waiting to see if the metho is working, if it will eventually shrink the sac and dissolve it or if I’ll need surgery.
Sunday is Father’s Day, we go to church, we come home. I have hardly eaten all week because I don’t have an appetite and I’m afraid to eat anything in case I need emergency surgery. We decide to head to Culvers for the free Sundae for dads. As we are walking out to the vehicle I feel a weird pain in my side. I call the OB doctor on call and talk to him. He tells me to go to the ER. We dropped the kids off at the neighbors and head in to the ER.  I am sure it’s nothing, I tell hubby.  I am probably freaking out about nothing.

 

To be continued……….