Sometimes I wish that I liked to journal so I could go back and read events and seasons of my life, maybe I’d have better insight into how I ended up in the season I am in now. This is going to be a personal post, sharing of where I am right now, how I think some of this came to be, etc.
For a while now I’ve been feeling like my spiritual life is a desert, dry, barren, no water in sight, no joy, just barely surviving. Bitterness, unforgiveness and pride have taken over, they have been hiding in there for a while and finally they seem to have just taken over. I do not like this! I do not like the person I’ve become. Trying to get personal without getting too personal is hard when writing on a public blog but there have been relationships that have definitely headed south in recent years, attitudes that have developed and also just a whole lot of yuck. Relationships that need to be made right, need healing, need forgiveness and love. Attitudes that need to change and yuck that needs to be cleared out.
I have loved of Walk in the Word for many years now. He brings God’s word and truth in a real and challenging way, that’s what I like and what I need. The local radio station here does not play his broadcasts but thanks to the wonderful internet, I can listen to him anytime. While browsing his site I came across a book, Whoa! I think he wrote this book just for me! How did he know? I threw it in my virtual cart and raced for the virtual check out. Three days later, it arrived on my doorstep.
I’ve been reading this book, a friend is reading this book at the same time, God’s been doing stuff, taking the proverbial scales off my eyes, chiseling off the hard, dark crusty shell covering my heart, shining His truth into my dark, hidden areas. It’s been a great jumping off point for me, I’m seeing much more clearly now, there is a lot of work to do, I know this now. I’m ready. I want to change.
Another thing that I’ve been contemplating and would be a change is this blog, blogging in general, blog reading, etc. Debating if maybe it’s time to hang up my blogging shoes, get off fb and just put the focus on things that are more important. Making my house comfortable, functional and relaxing is good but is it the best? I don’t know. I have had many discussions with my husband and even some other bloggers about this for the past few months and I don’t know what to do yet. Have you given up something you enjoyed because it brought out wrong attitudes or you simply knew that it was a time sucker and wasn’t the best way to spend your time?
There have been so many areas He’s been working on, Pride, Bitterness, Unforgiveness, Worldliness and Anxiety to name a few. While taking a bath I began to wonder if others are feeling this way, I know my friend is, we are journeying through this book together and it’s great to have someone to chat with, challenge me, laugh, yes, even cry with. Then I thought maybe I should just blog about it, put myself out there, see if anyone else wants to join me. So, I’m wondering, do you? Has your life been lacking joy? Are you feeling bitter, hurt, angry, sad? Want to journey with me in letting God do a work in our hearts? Changing our attitudes? Being shaped and molded to be more like Him? Because trust me, shaping myself has not worked out well, I look like a batch of dough that has been mistreated, all sticky, crusty in some spots, cracked, worn down and lumpy. I can’t promise it won’t be painful to be stretched, re-rolled and made into something better but I know it will be more than worth it! If this sounds like something you want to do, you can send me a private email if you like, fb me or comment below.
Awesome post, Ange! I love getting to know you better in these posts. Sounds like a great book. I may check it out one day. I think we all need constant attitude checks and course adjustments. I do believe in giving up what is good for the best. If something else that is more important suffers at all due to something you love, it’s worth an adjustment. It may not mean giving anything up (I’d definitely miss your blog) but doing it moreso under no constraints, less influence, and just for yourself… as you have time… I dunno.
Hi Ange, I love that you wrote about this. I think many of us have lots to say but don’t for whatever reasons. I think you have to live a life you are happy with, and do what it is that brings you joy, regardless of what others think!
Ange-
If it makes you feel any better, I know you aren’t the only person who struggles with these issues. In the past few months, I’ve talked to several bloggers who have moved on or taken breaks because they realize the time it takes is too much for them. My only advice on what to do is to keep praying and seeking answers for what is right for you and your life. I too have been overwhelmed and recently prayed for the direction my blog should go and the time commitment I put into it should be. The answer I got was to stay for now and to shift some of my priorities. You may or may not find another answer.
Keep in mind that I truly believe no blogger has it all. Something always has to give. There is no way someone can spend so much time online and have everthing perfect in real life. You can’t have so much going on in “real life” yet maintain a blog. Many times I’ve spoken to people in person who don’t have a blog and they tell me they would like to start one, but aren’t sure if they have the time to commit to it. My response is always the same. Don’t start unless you are sure you are wiling to make sacrifices of your time because you will have less time for other things.
I am lucky in the fact I do not have a husband or children, so I have more time to devote to this. I know this is a luxury some women don’t have. I’d suggest making a list of pros and cons and putting your trust in God. That should help you decide what is the right decision for you. Whatever anyone else thinks (outside of your husband and family) really does not matter.
Good luck on finding the right decision for your life.
it is definitely easy to get caught up in “competitive” blogging and see all the things you could have that you don’t…. i know when i start to feel like that i take a step back and look around at all i do have and am happy and lucky. i blog for me, and for no one or nothing else. sometimes i have to remind myself because i start to feel like i am not enough, but when i remind myself that it is an outlet for me, a fun thing, and a creative journal, then i feel so much better.
Blogging is a tricky journey. It can suck you in completely if you’re not careful. It’s definitely a balancing act. Sometimes I feel like I’m closer to my blog friends than my regular friends, which is just not healthy. I wish I kept a journal too sometimes. I look forward to see where you take your journey.
Being a new (ER) blogger, I am starting to see how much you can get sucked in and try to plan projects around your house because it would make good blog content. We are pulled in so many directions. I think, like you, you blog because it lets your creativity soar and you get to do something with what you are passionate about. I start back to work as a teacher on Tuesday. Mentally, I am not ready. I have nametags on desks, and a cute calendar board. I know what I am teaching the first quarter. I am excited to see my students. However, the anxious, scared, and overwhelmed part of me thinks, who am I kidding? How can I be a great mom, wife, teacher AND blogger? AND I take care of my 81 year old father since my mom passed away last summer. I don’t know how I do it all well, but I’m going to try. I’m going to try continue to be creative because when I blog and decorate and organize a little fire is lit inside of me that has been waiting to be lit for a long time. Being creative and doing my blog lets me spend time doing things I am passionate about. Sometimes, after being troubled about what scrapbooking paper would go best in my frame at JoAnn’s for 10 minutes, I think, “What the heck am I doing wasting this precious life and time in the paper aisle like this is some big decision!?! Some people in this world have never even been to a store!” Then I feel all guilty that I am spending time and money and effort on these things. Then I realize how much joy it gives me, and while you can definitely over-do it and get your life out of balance, I don’t feel like I am unbalanced. I feel like blogging and being creative and decorating are things I have to do to feel whole. God wants us to live our passions and purposes. I hope you don’t stop blogging, maybe listen to your heart and take your blog a different route? Sorry for the loooong comment.
I love your honesty and willingness to dig deeper into yourself, even when it’s hard, Ange! And I love your desire to use blogging to improve yourself and encourage others along the way. You have such a beautiful heart my friend!
I love that God is moving in your heart and soul. Stop. Listen. Do. That’s what it is all about.
I am sure you will do what is best for you and yours and you will know it, Ange! I see blogging as an outlet for you – it does not have to take up all of your precious time; you could blog less often. I am sure you will miss it as much as you will be missed in blogland! Good luck with your decision.
You’re amazing and thank you for being so vulnerable and really putting your heart out there. i think the Lord will bless you for it. I think everyone has to come to a point when they look at the things that they do for themselves and the things that they do for others and figure out what’s most important. There’s not wrong with doing something for yourself, but if it gets in the way of what the Lord is trying to do, then it should be a place for trimming and sacrifice. I’ll be praying for you as you make the decisions that the Lord will lead you to!