We’ve only been in our new to us home for almost two weeks. This house doesn’t need anything done to it really except maybe a new roof in a year or two and the deck could use a new coat of stain. Compared to the last house, it feels wonderful, freeing and strange. I don’t know what to do with myself. Obviously there are 1001 things I could do to this house but do we need it?
I had a conversation with a good friend the other day about projects, home improvement/decor, blogging, pinning and children. Do we need to do all these projects, decorating things to our houses when really we’re just going to change it up again in a few months years anyways? What is the real cost of all this? Why do we do it?
My friend and I both decided that it’s not the approval, opinion and compliments from our husbands that we like. No, it’s the comments and compliments from friends, family and strangers on blogs that we like. It’s getting feedback and acknowledgment for our work, something we don’t get with raising children or doing laundry. No one says, wow, you did an amazing job on that load of laundry! Way to go mom! And we all know that raising children is hard work with little sense of accomplishment for many, many years. So is it wrong to make our homes look nice, to better them even? No. But do I often browse pinterest or blogs and see something that has been done to a room and then decide that maybe I don’t like my just fine a few minutes ago dining room anymore? I need to do this cool thing and maybe it will make our dinner times happier and won’t we be cool. But then, if I do the dining room it won’t flow with the kitchen and I will need to repaint the cabinets and the walls, tile the backsplash, buy some new hand towels, window treatments and perhaps some new dishes as well. Which then the kitchen leads into the family room and on and on it goes. Then I will eventually end back up in the dining room and start the madness all over again!
Not that we don’t love the way changing up things makes us feel when we walk into a room. Or as her husband even pointed out, the way their home makes people feel when they walk into their home relaxed, welcoming and comfortable. We obviously want our homes to be welcoming and we like to live in a house that looks great. But where is the stopping point?
Here is my analysis of a home improvement project. First I have to decide what I want to do with the space which involves reading blogs, googling things, spending time on pinterest, going to the various stores 573 times deciding on tile, paint, cabinets or whatever else we need for a project. Then, while actually doing the projects the house turns into a disaster zone, mom and dad can get kind of cranky not only with each other but also with the children, kids are left to their own devices and told they have to wait until the project is done for food, attention and love, and the pocketbook takes a hit.
AUGH! How much money and more importantly, time am I wasting? My children are only going to be living in this house for at best 15 more years. That will be gone in a flash. Do I want my kids to remember living in a home that was always under construction because mom and dad are at Home Depot, Lowes, Menards again. Mom is on the computer, again.
Where is the balance? Can I have a nice home and improve the looks of it without spending a lot of time or money? Should we just not even care? Does it really matter? If I knew I only had 2 weeks to live, would I spend it on blogger, pinterest, fb or google? No, I would be trying to fill every moment spending time with those I love, soaking in my children and what they have to say, making sure they know how much I love them, making sure my husband knows he is respected and loved, that I couldn’t have asked for a better man to marry. Because the truth is, we really don’t know how much time we have on Earth, we like to think we’ll live to be 85 but we don’t really know what our future holds.
So my question is, is this worth it? Can there be balance? Do you struggle with these same issues? I would LOVE LOVE LOVE some feedback on this post. You can comment below, comment on the Blooming Hydrangea fb page or even send me an email. Am I just having a PMS day, too much time in the sun this weekend or maybe moving drove me over the edge? Talk to me!
This is a really thought provoking post, Ange. We could probably have an hours long conversation about this whole issue.
You know… decorating is like the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Since I first moved into my tiny room on residence at university I have been working to make my space nicer/prettier/ more organized etc. It's my hobby, and we all know hobbies and interests outside of the kids are really good and valuable. If my kids grow up and laugh about how I was always decorating and redecorating that's okay with me!
It's all about passion and creativity that needs an outlet.
Where I struggle is with computer time. I don't facebook, twitter or pinterest because I really don't feel I can keep up with those extra time guzzlers and still feel good about my day. I guess that's how I balance the whole blogging/real life thing. Kuddos to those who can do that- I'm extremely impressed!
So my blog is growing very slowly, but that's okay!
Sorry I've written such a long comment- I should have emailed you!!
I'm looking forward to what others have to say!
Yvonne,
I appreciate your feedback! I do love to decorate and it is my passion but I am just having a hard time with balance and really at the end of the day, not sure how I'm spending my time is beneficial to anyone. I also look forward to seeing what others have to say. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Ange,
I'm on the other side of your dilemma. At 65 and retired from 36 wonderful years of teaching children middle school science and having a family, I see that it was always a balancing game.
I tried to attend to my family first, doing as much at school as I could so that I wouldn't be taking a lot of work home.
I love to decorate and garden, so I had to fit that into the equation.
My mother always said that I needed to take good care of myself first, so that I can be a better mother and wife. I never really understood that until later, when I realized the wisdom of her words.
So make time for the things that you love to do, too. Your kids will be all the better for it and your husband will appreciate your talents.
Now that I'm retired, I spend more time with my husband, but still indulge myself with my passions for watercolor painting, gardening, theater, and hiking.
I wish you a carefree, fulfilling life!
Barb
Love this and I think so many woman, moms, and bloggers ask this question all of the time. I think I've asked you about this to and the easy answer is BALANCE…..plain and simple, right?
I love to decorate and it really is my hobby/passion, but I try to keep it in perspective. This is why I blog late at night when everyone is sleeping so I don't have the mom and wife guilt..hehe!
Great post and I too have to agree with Yvonne. My hubby and kids tease me all of the time when I pull out my camera…I smell a blog post!
I definitely struggle with the balance. That is why my followers may notice I don't post near as much as I did in the beginning. I just can't do it all. And I figure, I'd rather my favorite bloggers only post once in awhile with GREAT posts, than to post "fluff" everyday.
So, that's what I'm doing these days. I post when I have something so exciting it's worth my time to post it to everyone. And worth my readers time to read it. Otherwise I just chose to pass on posting and read instead.
I've also stopped trying to craft every single week and change up things for every single holiday or season. That wasn't "me" before, so I finally decided it shouldn't be me now.
Sometimes I fear I'm going to lose readers because of it and that bothers me. But I figure that will just have to be the price of my balance. But it's definitely hard sometimes!!
Great post!
Angela,
This is Mark. Yes, it's actually a MAN posting!
For me, the worth and merits of every value in life comes down to two tests: the Pillow Test and the Unexpected Guest Test.
First, the Pillow Test. Simply, when you put your head on your pillow at night, how do you feel about your day? Satisfied? Content? Troubled? On edge? In other words, what is the Spirit whispering to your spirit in the opportunity for quiet reflection and introspection?
Second, the Unexpected Guest Test. If Jesus showed up at your door today, how would you feel about that? Would you be trying to justify yourself, quickly hide things under the carpet, hope that He doesn't poke His way into "THAT room"….
Finally, you hit on a broader topic of interest versus addiction. If you can (and do) live without it for a season, it's an interest – nothing wrong with it, provided it's not a sinful interest!
If you're struggling to go a few days/weeks/months… it's an addiction. It has its claws in you. The only way to tell the difference is to live without it and see what happens!
Wow! Between your post and Mark's comment I have been given a lot to chew on. Good, good post Ange. Mine is the money issue. Can I justify spending my husbands hard earned income on every whim I have for my house or the blog. When I blog about cooking I at least feel like my family has received a good meal out of my time and effort and the money (usually very little) spent. When I work on a home decorating project it's a different ballgame. Can I justify redoing a room for a blog post? Is this fair to my husband, children. Am I honoring God and the resources He has given us? Lots to think about! Thank you for posting this dear friend.
Heather
I will echo what all of the others have said and tell you that this was an incredible post Ange! I think that this was just chock full of food for thought and something we all need to ponder/pray about. I'm always "checking" my heart and my motivations to see if I'm doing things for the approval of others or for the approval of the only ONE who really matters! And in terms of blogging, it really is a balancing act. I have had to start getting up a little bit earlier to blog so that I don't spend too much time during the day on it…thank goodness for strong coffee! Lol! There is so much more I want to say but it is all still swirling in my head.
But just know how much I appreciate you and your heart and willingness to put this out there. You have obviously struck a chord!
Vanessa
Really a good provoking post–I, too, guilty of saying to myself "oh, this room is NOT blog worthy"; however, I am loving my new styles and updates to my 200 year old home; thanks to a lot of talented ladies (and men) who have blogged some wonderful ideas and inspiration. What would I do without you? Call me crazy, but I just get excited over fresh new paint, slipcovers, new furniture, old furniture-painted, etc. Blogging feeds my soul! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I have been blogging for a little over a year (seriously). I'm often in awe when I see the same blogger able to create a DIY project every week. Not only is it an issue of money, but I have health issues and everything takes a lot longer for me to finish. I had most of my interior painted, new floors through out and the kitchen and kitchen cabinets painted. I had new linoleum put in and a new sick and faucet. Now this a small amount compared most of the remodels I've seen blogging, but I remember that my house was torn up. We took turns putting stuff in my daughter's room, cause her room was painted first, and it being a general mess. My sister and her bf did the painting, carpentry and everything. She is very neat and tried to keep things neat, but it still affected us. I wanted to do more but we could only afford what we did. I'm really happy with what we had done but now I have the remodel wonderlust. Now my projects are small and not as exciting. I haven't even started to blog about my makeover cause I haven't gotten everything done (like putting the curtains back etc). I know I spend way too much time on the computer. I did that before I was blogging. I agree with the issue of balance. Even when you do stuff yourself, the materials cost a lot of money. In addition to that, having things torn up too much puts a strain on everyone. We can present the world is perfect when in reality it's almost purrfect (like my blog's name). Thanks for sharing your insight.
Hi ange,
I just found your blog via TMC designs. I wanted to let you know I read this post and it is so helpful in affirming my desire to keep my new blog balanced and properly prioritized. I haven’t even posted anything yet, but I have been concerned about the way blogs seem to consume. I mean, really, one can’t do it all, and I have no idea how so much is done without an army of staff – by my calculations, it would seem something or someone(s) must end up on the backburner. Truly, your post is Providential in helping bolster my courage to be disciplined and have perspective beyond my laptop screen.
My Best to you!
eg